Sucker Punch

               
                Boosh here.
                After watching Sucker Punch, I tried sacrificing my friend for choosing this movie. Love you Shwarma Wonda.

               You’ve all heard the bad shit about this movie. Bad plot, bad acting, bad dialogue and badminton. Worst of all, Zack Snyder tries to fit in some deep moral message at the end of the film to make himself feel like he can write. Fuck no.

             The only reason anyone would watch this movie would be for the boobies and blood. Bloodlust and boners—nothing wrong with brainless fun. However, Sucker Punch delivers only the mildest sex and flaccid-est violence.

            The ladies wear too much clothing. High school girls on Halloween do better.

No sex scenes—fuck that.

Fight scenes were cool at first. Then got repetitive and boring. He resorts to repeating the same poop, hoping that after 1000 times, his audience will understand that slo-mo means that this shit is….EXXXTREME!!!! He is unable to imagine anything beyond visuals, so he jerks himself off with close-ups and Slo-Mo throughout the whole fucking movie and faps even harder during the fight scenes.

If there was some sort of struggle during the fight scenes then maybe the slo-mo would have been bearable, but there isn’t. The girls are invincible and untouchable, pissing unicorns and shitting miracles. Without any struggle, the fight scenes blow. The girls need to get more fucked up while fighting—torn clothing, fa dunks, and boob scars. That’s where sex appeal and violence mix. That’s what makes these movies interesting-ish.

                Like a little bitch, Snyder diarrheas on the only redeeming qualities of his movie—sex and violence—to get a PG-13 rating, killing any potential this movie had. VERY PUSSY! The only reason Snyder would do this would be to get more teenage boys to watch. Sadly, they will all go home flaccid as fuck and just watch some porn.

                If you’re going to make a bullshit movie, you better stick to the bullshit. Snyder had some good ideas, but he prematurely ejaculates before any of those ideas become something good.

Poop or chocolate ice cream?

Poop. Shit. Sprinkled with chocolate, which on closer inspection is just lumpy poop. Only worth watching the following scenes: introduction of mayor, Vanessa hudgens scream in helicopter, the tossing of the map (higher and higher), maybehhhh the first two fight scenes (steam powered germans). Most of the movie is bad, some parts of the movie are okay, and when you put everything together it’s just a whirlwind of pubes.